I’ve been absent for a while from this blog. I’ve been doing a lot of personal reflection and trying to figure out what I want to accomplish this year. Even though its October, and it may seem like the year is ENDING, I feel like it’s just starting. It’s probably because I have two kids in school and I think of the year as September to June. :) Really, our “year” can start whenever we want, so mine is starting NOW.
One thing that I think most moms would admit to is that life is full of ups and downs. Whether we admit THIS little tidbit or not, its true for most of us: we get A LOT of our own self worth out of our kids. If your kid is a brainiac or a rock star in sports, you’re set, right? Life is pretty easy and you feel pretty good about yourself!
But, what if your kid has “issues”? (this could be clinical or non clinical) Life is a lot more complicated, logistically and emotionally. It’s easy to get down on ourselves, because, well, we DO get our self worth in part from our kids, and when they struggle we feel less worthy and inadequate.
So, just to clarify right now, this post is not about kids, its about us. It’s about
- living in each moment (because we mom’s tend to let our minds move ahead in time, trying to plan out our, and our kids’ futures),
- being happy
- feeling worthy of life’s abundance
- being healthy
- lifting the burden of the world off our shoulders.
Do you struggle with feeling happy and worthy? do you look at other people an think, “why does life seems so easy for them?” I do. That’s my confession, and I’m coming clean with it. I struggle with feeling worthy of G-d’s blessings and I have been playing the victim card pretty much my whole life. It’s because of ADHD that I didn’t complete grad school. It’s because of my demanding family (or better excuse, because I want to be a good mom) that my business isn’t as successful as it should be. I don’t want to bother people to follow up with them…
After reading some really good books this summer (The Power Of Now, by Ekhart Tolle and You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, and Get Off The Bench by Justin Harrison), I am calling myself out. No more victim bullshit!
AND, I am challenging you to call yourself out!!! Here’s how:
4 steps to feeling happier
- Call yourself out of your own bull shit. Acknowledge G-d’s intention for your life and that G-d wants you to be happy. Do you really think that we are put here to be miserable? One thing that both books discuss (and you can learn all the scienc-y in and outs of it in another book called Biology of Belief by Bruce Lipton–so this isn’t just new age mumbo jumbo) is that what we BELIEVE actually is manifested in our reality. This is a whole OTHER blog post, so I won’t get too serious about it here. Just take the leap and accept that the garbage you tell yourself is the garbage that manifests in reality. Hence, the importance of being HAPPY!
- Live in THIS moment. Let go of the BS that happened in the past. And, none of us can predict the future, so WHY DO WE CONSTANTLY TRY???? This is me to a T!!! I am always playing back things that happened–what could/should I have done differently? Analyzing my every move, and of course, badgering myself about it. Living in this PRECIOUS moment is freeing–is a gift!!! It’s why my dog is always happy–he has no baggage and he doesn’t worry about the future. He trusts me. Trust in this moment. It takes some practice, I’m not going to lie, and I certainly don’t have it mastered!!! But, I do call myself out now when I find myself worrying about the future. This is how I do it: when I start worrying about the future (i.e. what’s gonna happen with my kids, my business, etc), I remind myself that G-d is way smarter than I am so I’m going to trust Him and the Universe to bless me with abundant goodness. When we worry about bad things, that in of itself actually brings it into our lives!!! SO STOP WORRYING and HAVE FAITH. Living in the past is even more tricky to identify. For me, the past is what prevents me from doing things–playing the victim card. I’ve just started noticing this in my everyday tasks, whether I do something or not, what my reaction to things is, etc. Right, you’re like, yeah, easy for you to say! Ok, so I’m going to tell you how to do this. see #3
- Keep a gratitude journal every day. literally write down one or two things that happened that day that you are grateful for–be specific and say why you are grateful. I like to do this before bed, so I can reflect on my day and pick out the good nuggets. This technique has been clinically proven (and you can read all about it in Shawn Achor’s book “The Happiness Advantage) to increase happiness and good things happening.
- Spend more time in nature. Nature is amazing. It is healing and we are a part of it. There are so many things about being in nature that are nourishing to our body and spirit–sunlight, fresh air, peace. I’ve been very blessed to be able to do this a lot recently. This is the time I work on my presence and blessings. In nature, even in your own back yard, everything is in abundance. Leaves, blades of grass (or in our case, weeds!), bugs, even dirt. All teaming with life, giving us life with their oxygen and beauty. When I contemplate the abundance of the natural world, it reminds that, hey! I live in this world too!!! When I look too closely at something, like looking at one single plant, we are only focused on that small bit. But when I look up, and see the bigger picture, I see there is A LOT more going on. And when I look beyond even that, I see how truly abundant and amazing the view is (even in the limited scope of this view). From the moss on the tree, to the water (and what is in the water–fish, insects, microorganisms, algae), to the teaming number of leaves in my view (and the incredible process of photosynthesis, making oxygen for us to breathe, and the process of the leaves turning beautiful colors. There is abundance in the universe and it is amazing. Why do we feel unworthy of this obvious overflow?? Declare and accept your part of it. Don’t overthink it. Just declare and accept. Louise Hay has great affirmations for this.
- Shield your precious spirit from reality! Ha ha, now you think I have really gone overboard! But, I think you know what I mean. We live in a society that instills fear into everything we do: that we don’t have enough, that we are not happy enough or perfect enough (just watch some HGTV or Food Network), that we should be afraid of getting sick, and if we are too healthy, then well, you’re going to get sick soon. At the same time we are bombarded with news and all the crap the media feeds us, and the advertising of toxic products. No wonder we struggle with feeling happy!!! So, I say, turn it off!!!! Stop giving people you don’t even know power over your precious spirit. As all the authors I mentioned above say, when we focus on negative, we get more negative. Even Facebook can be negative (depends on your friends-LOL).
So here is my ultimate wish and challenge: What if we all changed our thinking? What if we ALL did these 5 things every day– stop the victim mentality, be present, keep a gratitude journal, spent more time in nature, and turned off the TV/phone/news? We would be happier, and possibly spread it to the next person. And studies show that this affects our reality. So the world will change and be happier. See where this is going?
Let’s turn everything we ever thought about our lives on its head. Let;s clean out the cobwebs and the crystal ball. Let’s trust the universe and breathe in and out, and let life present itself to us.
If you think I’ve completely lost it, or I’m on to something, please let me know!! leave a message and share with me.